family

as the year is winding down and I'm getting older ( UUGGHH ) and the holidays are approaching I keep thinking about my family and the ones that are no longer here. I found this great old picture of my parents as little kids and whenever I see this I have to smile. Just knowing that my parents ( the 2 on the left) knew each other since they were born!! How cool is that!!

getting old sucks!!

Boy who knew getting old sucked this bad!! I hate having a bad back...for some strange reason it bothers me more in the month of August then any other time of year. I remember last year August was the last time I was at my Chiropractor for adjustments. I wish he was still around, he moved his practice to North Carolina...PHOOEY DR. DAVE... I haven't found another one...I guess because I haven't needed one... but I think its something more then my back that bothers me. I think its my hip...my left hip.. everything happens on my left side... wonder if that means something **perplexed**

OH WELL.... thank heavens for muscle relaxers, heating pads & ice! Now only if I could bend down in the mornings to put my socks & shoes on I would be OK. but I guess that's why I have Ramon to wake up in the mornings to do that ** grinning** Guess I need to make an appointment with my DR to have them check out my hip issues...
OK going to rest some more...

family

Was searching through abunch of old pictures and found this one.. I remember when it was taken.. it was Thanksgiving 2002, Mina was only 6 months old...her frist Thanksgiving...now shes 6 YEARS old!! Boy time flies when you're having fun!! I'm hoping that I'll have her here again this Thanksgiving with everyone else..it'll be great to have the family together again.

He's Home...

Ramon finially got home last night, after delaying his flight by a day due to Tropical Storm Faye. The storm realy was much of nothing...just a bunchj of wind and rain... and according to the airline he would have made it home ontime despite the weather....OH WELL.. I got an extra day of freedom.
He had a nice time in Colorado, enjoyed seeing his family. Loves seeing Isaiah, but not happy that Isaiah left early & never said goodbye. They fought alot, he ( Isaiah ) didnt like the rules that were set, cerfew and such. I really hope that Rqamon & Isaiah do keep in touch. I have thought about writing Isaiah a letter to express to him hw much he really mean s to Ramon and how thats all I ever heard about since we met was "his son". Also tell him how we tried for so long to look for him, so we could establish some kind of communication, but was unsuccessful, but i'm not sure =/
nothig much happening here...just taking things day by day

proven facts....

well.... I went and saw Julie tonight ( my therapist) and we discussed alot of things as always, but tonight she had me take a "real" physc test to measure my depression levels. and the results are....

I AM SEVER LY DEPRESSED

DUH!! Tell me something I already didnt know.... but this will be a GREAT tool towards my case against Target...because it is certifiable..and not one of these things you take online or anything.

She will be mailing all the information that Target requested tomorrow...so the ball is rolling rolling rolling... lets just hope I hit a home run with it all.. I know I will.. because I did nothing wrong =P

peace & calm

These last few days without Ramon have been wonderful...granted I do miss him...but I do not miss the mess, the drinking and the choas. I have talked to him everydaya dn he said that Isaiah is a handful. They got into a few fights already, I told him that is to be expected...he doesnt know you just like you dont knwo him...this si a time to sit down adn try and get to know him. Find out his likes & dislikes. Meet his friends that he has made...just spend time together. He's like yeah yeah yeah... same stuff he tells me.. its all BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Oh well I'm sure it'll all work out in the end..somehow, someway it always does.

Well time to clean a little more.. the house is clean...just have a few things to tidy up and then I get the rest of the day to ME!! YEAH ME!!

=)

It was a good day... work went great... got ALOT done.. more then I ever had in a long time.. at least it seems like I did. I really like the new manager at work, he actually lets me do what I have to do, and I get it all done, instead of why isn't this done why isn't that done... i like that. Ramon left for Colorado today.... he should be landing there in a couple of hours.. had a long flight with layovers...wont get to his moms until like midnightish their time which will be like 2am our time =/
its getting late and 5 am gets here quick...

its gonna be a lovely day

AAAHHHHH

I dont knwo why but for some strange reason I feel as if soething was lifted off my shoulders.. maybe it could be because I know that Ramon is leaving tomorrow for a week and I'll have chance to do what I what to do when I want to do it?! I dont know...but it could be the calm before the storm too... but there does seem to be a calm in the air or around me at the moment (despite the rain & thunder going on outside)
I like this calm...but not going to take it for granted just going to deal with everything day by day and ME FOR ME

shouLd i care? should i worry?

should i care? should i worry?? i don't know.. i just don't know anything anymore... i just know 1 thing and that I'm not happy. i just want to cry all the time...just don't care.. I'm always worried, scared , unhappy. why? for many reasons.. first my marriage.. its falling apart...let me rephrase that.. it is apart.. i don't really think it was together to begin with. but that's just my thoughts. no one ever thought i would marry, settle down yada yada yada. I know I'll never have kids...and i think that bothers me the most...but i have my great nieces, nephews & godchildren to love and spoil like they were and are my own. I think i'll be alot happier if i was alone and stayed that way... wont have to worry about anybody or anything but me and my fur babies





IN THE IMFAMOUS WORDS OF TOBY: "


"IT'S ALL ABOUT ME, ALL ABOUT I"

GODDESS

Your result for The Mythological Goddess Test...

Isis

Indeed, you are 75% erudite, 71% sensual, 58% martial, and 63% saturnine.

This Egyptian supreme Goddess is certainly the most influential deity on subsequent cultures. She was the ideal figure of womanhood, usually compared with the Greek Goddess Demeter or her Roman version, Ceres.

Isis was one element of a Holy Trinity, the remaining two figures being her brother and husband Osiris and their heroic son Horus. She was the Goddess of Magic for her brilliance, as well as the Goddess of Love because of her tenacious devotion.

She is often shown with wings, curving to caress coffins and sarcophagi of many a king. In certain papyri she is shown with her falcon wing headdress, covering her ears. One of her sacred symbols is the sistrum, a musical instrument that was believed to ward off evil spirits. Isis' sistrum was carved bearing the image of a cat and was representative of the Moon.

Isis was the High Priestess and an omnipotent magician as well as the only being ever to discover the secret name of Ra. She invariably carries the ankh, the symbol for eternal life. Her name is, by the rules of numerology, adding up to the number “2” and she just so happens to be depicted on the tarot card “Key 2 – The High Priestess”.

The Fifteen Goddesses

These are the 15 categories of this test. If you score above average in …

…all or none of the four variables: Neit. …
Erudite: Minerva. …
Sensual: Aphrodite. …
Martial: Artemis. …
Saturnine: Persephone. …

Erudite & Sensual: Isis. …
Erudite & Martial: Sekhmet. …
Erudite & Saturnine: Nemesis. …
Sensual & Martial: Hera. …
Sensual & Saturnine: Bast. …
Martial & Saturnine: Ilamatecuhtli. …

Erudite, Sensual & Martial: Maeve. …
Erudite, Sensual & Saturnine: Freya. …
Erudite, Martial & Saturnine: Sedna. …
Sensual, Martial & Saturnine: Macha.

Take The Mythological Goddess Test at HelloQuizzy

old habits die hard....

well i guess things wont change... so i have to make changes... ramon leaves monday to go and see Isaiah in Colorado...Isaiah has been getting into trouble and called his mom, saying he wants to go home to New Mexico...ramon is upset over that..since he cant be there physically to guide him...but i told him that as long as you call him everyday and try adn tell him the rights from wrongs, until you/we can move out there and be there physically for him that is alot too. but isaiah has to be in court for an incident that took place... not sure of all the details...but due to all this "drama" ramon started drinking heavy again... so needless to say he's back inot his old habits... and guess what i'm over it again.... so when ramon gets home tonight I will sit down with him while he's still sober and tell him...eiother he stops or stay in colorado when he goes... dont come back... i dont want it i dont need it...i need to think of me...only took me 39.75 yars to do that.. i have always thought of and done for everyone else...now that i'm going to be 40, they always say things change when you turn 40...well i think THIS will be my change. I knwo it goes against all my beliefs, dreams & wishes but i have to do what i have to do. i knwo it will be tough and hard but i know i have my family and friends there to support me and when my Target case settles...that will be a BIG load off my mind. speaking of my target case, julie, my therapist, called me Friday to tell me she was served a supenoa to hand over my medical records... i informed her that ken, my lawyer, already truned over the records in our claim...to contact him and see if it ok to do that. I have nothing to hide, just want to make sure that they can do that. I called Julie yesterday to see what the outcome was, what Ken said, and she informed me that I needed to come into the office and sign a relaese foir the records..she said it will all be good..they probably want to compare the records to see if anything was forged or misconstruedin anyway. but at least things are moving forward and quicker then before. when the case is settled and if ramon & I are not together I will give him something from it...since he was there for me and through it all with me...its fair and his name is on the case as well as part of the mental anquish he has endured with/through me. boy what an entry..... been a few days...but will try and do it daily... but i have a dull life..persay

feeling bad.....

4am Ramon is banging and making all kinds of noise...needless to say yeah he was drunk....I was losing sleep ( have to get up at 5am )...I go inside to see why all the noise..and he has his headphones on listening to his music...and smashing an empty shoe box & he's crying.... apparently Isaiah got inot trouble...to the point that he has to go to court and Veronica ( Isaiah's mom ) is coming to take him back to New Mexico and Ramon is upset becasue he feels as though he's losing his son again... he knew about Isaiah when he was 3 and dropped on his doorstep, with the words I cant handle him...he's yours you take him...well ramon raised him until he was 5...then Veronica comes and want to take Isaiah out to dinner...and that wasthe last time Ramon heard from him/them. Ramon and I got together about 2-3 years after all that and we've been together 6 years now and all I ever heard about was Isaiah...and now that Ramon has talked to him everyday since they contacted us, this si the happiest I've ever seen him...but now this... Isaiah thinks its cool to go to jail... I just wish I had him in front of me to slap reality into him...but I cant say anything to him..to him I'm just his dad's wife.. i'm not his mom, I have no say. I feel bad... but thankfully ramopn leaves next Monday (8/11) for Colorado to see him and his court date is (8/18) so Ramon will get to spend a week with him. I told Ramon that he's not losing him again. We have an address & phone number and he has our phone number & address... so the contact will be there. There's the softee in me I feel bad

explains alot

Your result for The Genuine Depression Test...

Extreme depression

You scored 41 depression

Your answers suggest that you may be suffering from extreme depression. However I am not qualified to give any sort of advice about this so I say again, if you are feeling depressed then Please talk to your doctor or someone professional and get some real help.


I hope this little test has helped some people or has at least been interesting and will stop people talking about being depressed when they don't know the real meaning.

Take The Genuine Depression Test at HelloQuizzy