old habits die hard....

well i guess things wont change... so i have to make changes... ramon leaves monday to go and see Isaiah in Colorado...Isaiah has been getting into trouble and called his mom, saying he wants to go home to New Mexico...ramon is upset over that..since he cant be there physically to guide him...but i told him that as long as you call him everyday and try adn tell him the rights from wrongs, until you/we can move out there and be there physically for him that is alot too. but isaiah has to be in court for an incident that took place... not sure of all the details...but due to all this "drama" ramon started drinking heavy again... so needless to say he's back inot his old habits... and guess what i'm over it again.... so when ramon gets home tonight I will sit down with him while he's still sober and tell him...eiother he stops or stay in colorado when he goes... dont come back... i dont want it i dont need it...i need to think of me...only took me 39.75 yars to do that.. i have always thought of and done for everyone else...now that i'm going to be 40, they always say things change when you turn 40...well i think THIS will be my change. I knwo it goes against all my beliefs, dreams & wishes but i have to do what i have to do. i knwo it will be tough and hard but i know i have my family and friends there to support me and when my Target case settles...that will be a BIG load off my mind. speaking of my target case, julie, my therapist, called me Friday to tell me she was served a supenoa to hand over my medical records... i informed her that ken, my lawyer, already truned over the records in our claim...to contact him and see if it ok to do that. I have nothing to hide, just want to make sure that they can do that. I called Julie yesterday to see what the outcome was, what Ken said, and she informed me that I needed to come into the office and sign a relaese foir the records..she said it will all be good..they probably want to compare the records to see if anything was forged or misconstruedin anyway. but at least things are moving forward and quicker then before. when the case is settled and if ramon & I are not together I will give him something from it...since he was there for me and through it all with me...its fair and his name is on the case as well as part of the mental anquish he has endured with/through me. boy what an entry..... been a few days...but will try and do it daily... but i have a dull life..persay